My Uncle Tom Says: Abolish The Internet.
My uncle Tom lives in a beautiful cabin in the woods with his wierd hippie wife Marya, who's real name is Mary. Uncle Tom has a huge sign on the back of his car that says; "Hypnosis Works", he has one tooth on the lower left corner of his mouth, he feels people should all stop having kids, and that the internet is evil. He also happens to be a millionaire, from the days when he still thought consumerism was okay. That is just one of the completely insane relatives I have. Merry Fucking Christmas.