A Note About Christmas Cards
Left: Good Christmas card. Right: Bad Christmas card.
Dear friends of mine who have children and are sending me a Christmas Card,
I agree that your child is cute, but when you don't include yourself in the photo I feel let down. I love how stupid you look. It makes my whole Christmas.
It is cruel to deprive me of the hearty laugh I should be having at your expense. Christmas is not the time of year to flaunt how adorable your child is. It's time to announce what a square, grown-up dweeb you are. Put on that awful sweater and make my month. Christmas is a time of giving, damn it.
Seasons greetings,
Paul
Posted by
Paul Lundgren on December 1, 2007 04:11 PM | Permalink
Comments
I got so many nice comments on my Christmas card last year. Now I know why. It was a family picture of us at Disneyworld, and we were wearing hats that we bought there. This year, sadly, we're back to just the kids. I'll remember your advice, however.
Posted by: Beverly | December 2, 2007 12:05 AM
Xmas Card Xref:
There are just so many great things to put in your christmas cards. It is just hard to put some things to words.
1. Just got out of jail: Looking for a job
2. Had a baby out of wedlock: We've added to our family
3. Quit your job after yelling 'F*** You' to your boss : Took some needed time off
4. Got a DUI : Got a new stylish ankle bracelet
5. Got arrested for being a terrorist : Helping the world be terror free.
6. Went bankrupt : Wanted to live simply.
7. Your garage burned down : great spring cleaning
8. Went to Rehab : Took a nice vacation at a luxury spa.
9. Cops nab your indoor garden : No treats this year.
10. Got a divorce : Looking forward to seeing less of the inlaws.
11. Plastic surgery ruined your face : Winter's been here and have been wearing my facemask for week.
12. Your kid sidelined by the coach for inappropriate behavior : He just wanted to try out for the fall musical.
13. You killed your neighbors dog by poison : Enjoying your serenely quiet block.
14. Spent your entire year in traffic : Heard some great facts on NPR.
15. Wrote drunken text messages to all of your friends : Winter is getting lonely, please call anytime.
16. Your band kicked you out : Started a new solo act!
17. Got fired for stealing : Learned to grab what I wanted in life.
18. Cut down a tree in your yard that destroyed your roof : Got some remodeling done on the house.
19. The RIAA got you for downloading metallica albums : Branching out to new music.
20. You've become a registered sex offender : Told the neighbors to keep their kids off of my lawn.
Posted by: mevdev | December 2, 2007 01:35 PM
Paul,
Since you've been so generous with the flattering photos of yourself this year, I'll keep your request in mind when Mavis, Lily, and I do our photo shoot this evening.
Cacophony forever,
Andy
Posted by: asmentko | December 3, 2007 12:03 PM